I recently purchased a new phone on a new carrier with a new number. In the past couple months I've received an interesting array of phone calls and texts from folks whom I don't recognize.
I will here share with you their misguided misadventures for my own benefit. Karma don't fail me now:
1) If you're interested in being cast in Jay-Z and Fat Joe Music videos, modeling for Ardyss Cosmetics or being cast in "Breaking Dawn" of the Twilight Saga, feel free to contact sms_casting@exploretalent.net. To date, they've sent me a text message a week. I never signed up. But if you want to harass their email, by all means. If you need to break up the waiting for an appointment with a doctor or parole officer, go ahead and give them a call at 323-978-4000. I'm sure they'd love to hear from you.
2) A local (847) wondered on September 3rd "why did [I] dick [him] over for some ugly ass dude." They also called twice more at 8:45 and 11:20. I tend not to answer calls I don't know because if it's important they'll leave a message. But then again, if I did dick someone over for some ugly ass dude, I hope the ugly ass dude paid me well. I don't dick people over for free.
3) A (773) number wondered if I was Michelle. Then asked, "Yo, Abello! What's the haps?" Then two days later, they were less excited to get in my pants (I assume) because I got just a "Hey."
Poor person–Just looking for a booty call with Michelle. I hope they meet someday and I can facilitate it.
4) Once a week, sometimes twice, I get a call from (530) 767-1234. I usually ignore, it but sometimes I answer only to be disconnected. If they call back again next week, I'm going to report them on the Do Not Call registry. You have to wait 30 days after registering, but I think this is a special case.
5) This was my favorite, because it went to my old phone, which for some dumb reason I'm still paying for. But in a way, I think it payed off.
"I'm confused. About a month ago you said you wanted to use Dad's savings to buy a retirement condo somewhere warm. Then you said you would be willing to use It to help Aaron have a place to live in Arcata. Now you & Scott decided that Dad's savings should go to buy property on Flathead lake. Why are you & Scott making all the decisions?"
There are so many details in there that you can almost piece together a whole soap opera from that one message. Sadly I couldn't send it to my new phone for posterity because one carrier limits the number of characters you can send to another carrier. Jerks. Probably a reason why I left.
What I wonder about the last one is, "What happens if I call them back?" Should I let them know that Scott & I have now decided to move to Indiana and Chicago respectively to see if we can work things out? Should I tell them that Aaron's dead and won't need the place in Arcata? Or should I call the number direct saying that your viral marketing ploy worked and I am definitely interested in property on Flathead lake, you're a realtor, right?
It's amazing how technology can bring us together, so that in one united voice we can stand as one togethery group and ask, "Why'd you dick me over for some ugly ass dude?"
